It was my 7th year in middle school while I walked along the hall. It was 3:15; the bell had just ring signaling the release of us all.
I was probably 12 or maybe 13, wrestling with myself and my low self-esteem.
And you were the jock that I liked alot and I often drew hearts with our names in blank spots.
But I remember that day, just walking along When with a crowd of your friends, you passed by ‘mongst the throng.
And you said to me something I’ll never forget “Get out of the way, you fat b****h.”
And I stopped in my tracks hearing laughter galore and hovered for a moment looking down at the floor.
What you and your friends could never have known was that “fat” was a term I was hearing at home.
You highlighted the war with the skin I was in It was me versus me and I never could win.
I spent years trying diets and workouts in detail practically worshipping the numbers I saw on the scale.
I would beat her til she was bloody with the words I would say and she’d collapse into tears when I abused her that way and it hurt to see her broken, but I knew no other way
Until I decided one summer’s eve In the midst of my war to change strategies
And give myself opposite of what I have done, Instead of my hate, what I gave her was love
And there in that moment without all the violence There face to face at peace with the silence
With the smoke clearing out, we finally understood To win the war in a way our bombs never could
I held her by the hand looking straight into her eyes And vowed myself and I would become allies,
So call me what you want and change the adjective or noun, but I’ve got a friend who will always stick around
Whether 350 or 140, it matters not my weight. Whether I change looks or dreams or move state to state.
Out of all trophies I’ve earned the best is not on a shelf, The best award I’ve ever won was winning myself.