A Reason to Erupt

Fiery with tempting unforgiveness molting on the inside, the exterior cool and collected-a dormant volcano.

I should have seen from the beginning your mirage. Discerned your fool’s gold. Read your fine print.

I can still feel your lies slither down my backside like snakes in the nighttime. Your false promises like leeches suckling on my neck. You are a walking pandemic and COVID-19 would be proud.

It was me who spent hours trying to put smiles on your faces.
It was me who took you out eat even when I was struggling to pay rent.
It was me who was there for you when he didn’t give you the time of day.
I was there for everyone else. Every church service. Every work call. Every community project. Every staff meeting. Every Bible study.

I tried to tell you I needed help at work. I tried to tell you I couldn’t do it on my own. I tried to tell you what could make the ministry healthier. All the people we could have helped. But no. You were content with the way things were dismissing the fine details because you enjoyed the bigger picture.

I did the work; you took the credit.
I ran the position; you ran your mouth. I did most of the listening; you did most of the talking.

And you were nowhere to be found when I didn’t live according to your preferences.

You. You each know who you are. It took a long time to see through you, but I left you. Good riddance. It was you who didn’t deserve me.

If only I could shake hands with that of time so violently enough to erase you from my memory. But I’ll settle for no longer dreaming. No longer asleep. But you have no idea what you’ve awakened.

I’ll cherish what matters most to me. Stay faithful to those truly loyal to me. I’ll live just as faithfully, love so mercilessly, and give so unapologetically. Best of all, that warmth I so craved from you and constantly gave to you, I now give to myself. I’ll let my being flow freely as liquid magma consumes over my naivity. And from it’s volcanic soil, my new life has already begun.

I’ve seared your snakes to soot and your leeches to ash. So I must, in a way, thank you. You gave me a reason to erupt.